relationships

Today I had a fascinating conversation with Dahlia about relationships. After many such discussions and observations about this topic, I am compelled to write and delve into this dark matter of human emotions. I said dark because nobody will ever understand its tapestry and unpredictability. Just like physicists who are currently hoping to unify everything in the universe by using string theory, the rest of us are trying to make sense of past , present and future relationships by super-imposing images and events that do not work anymore onto our minds. We fear new experiences.

I suppose it is just human nature to reminisce about the past, revel in the present and wonder about the future because we have a mind that is capable of thinking thoughts and so much more. We also have a heart that feels those same thoughts. But seldom the courage to act on them.

My question is why are people so set on being in a relationship that isn't working for them anymore? I was guilty of this :).... I know quite a few people who gave reasons like 'I don't want to hurt her/him', 'I am comfortable now and it is not easy to start again', 'i'll wait till the children are grown up', 'it doesn't look good socially', 'I have no choice, I'm stuck and there is no way out.' and the reasons go on... I might not be in the circumstances that led to the reasons above but we have choices and the way we choose continues to baffle me. I think the confusion comes when we use too much of the mind to focus on a decision that only the heart can make. The reasons we use to justify the decisions are just noise. In a simple society, the mind and the heart are pure without the noise that beckons confusion. But since this is no longer a simple society, is it selfish to abandon a love relationship that isn't working no matter what the reasons are? Of course in a marriage there are things to consider before giving up on it but isn't it better to feel pain in the present than to suffer in silence into the future? Sometimes we also suffer at work, suffer in friendships, suffer in love and before we know it, the heavy heart is ready to relinquish all to the controlling mind... complete shutdown.. the heart has left the body. What rhythm are we beating to now?

If we think about it, we create all kinds of amusement to alleviate our sufferings and not to bring happiness. Happiness is without conflict. It comes from the heart. And we still find it hard to make a decision that brings forth our own happiness without being responsible for someone else's.

It got me thinking about the universe we live in. It seems that we are like a micro manifestation of the way the universe works. I believe that the mind and the heart can only achieve an optimal balance with the inner workings of cells at the molecular level. Each has a separate role to play. The two can never meld into one. Just like the forces of the universe. They can exist side by side but cannot be explained within a single theory.

Bottom line is , people should use the heart to make emotional judgments and the mind to make logical ones. Not that easy huh? As we approach the fine line between an emotional and a logical call, the laws of biology seem to break down. And why should we open our hearts and be vulnerable? And I ask 'why not?' In the meantime, we can be happy about being in less than perfect relationships as long as they do not tug at the heart strings of those we care about.. Back to square one...